


How to Save a Life

by ChunkBueller



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Mercy Killing, Smut, Spideypool - Freeform, bottom spidey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2018-10-10 21:37:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10448109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChunkBueller/pseuds/ChunkBueller
Summary: Wade had one job, and Peter wasn't going to like it. Or was he?





	

Sat across the table from each other in a dark lit room, Steve Rogers eyed Wade Wilson carefully. He had a piece of paper beneath his resting hand, which he slid over to Wade, not breaking eye contact. Without hesitation, Wade signed beside the X and shook Steve's hand firmly.

"It's a pleasure doing business with you, Captain," Wade said, pulling out his Make America Great Again ball cap.

"Anything to get back at that little arachnid that stole my shield back in the airport," Steve sighed.

"Well, sir, you won't need to worry about that little pest anymore," he replied. Wade put the hat on the table and passed it to Steve. "A gift for all your services."

"How'd you know I was against Crooked Hillary™?" Steve grinned, skidding the hat onto his head. Wade decided now was not the time to admit he was a hard left.

"Well, better get to work!" Wade yelled and ran straight out of the room.

A few short blocks away, Wade was met face to face with his newfound nemesis (and soon to be lover) Peter "Spider-Man" Parker himself.

Wade whipped out his katana blades, pointing them towards puny Peter Parker.

"Heya Wade," Peter smiled, pushing the swords away from his face.

"Not today Peter," he replied. "I've signed a super secret contract with Captain America to assassinate you."

"Really? Do you mean assassinate this ASS?"

Wade dropped his swords and dragged Peter into the alley that was conveniently placed behind them. He slammed Spideyboi against the wall and got super serious. "Do you really want to do this again?"

"Fuck yeah I do," Peter ripped off Wade's mask and slammed their lips together. They kissed for a reasonable amount of time before Wade got impatient and ripped the rest of his super suit off, revealing a Thor themed jock-strap.

"You remembered how much that gets me off." Peter commented, pulling his own spandex outfit off of his skin.

"Thor is a stud." Wade said. Lightning struck directly beside where they were standing, signalling Thor's approval.

"I want you to fuck me, daddy," Peter hissed in his ear.

"You know I love when you use me for your parental abandonment issues." Wade tenderly laid Peter down on the hard gravel.

"Ow," Peter complained, like the little brat he was.

Realizing the had no form of protection or lubricant, Wade asked a hesitant, "are you sure you want to do this?"

"If you aren't inside of me in the next minute, I'm going to stick these gravel rocks up your ass," threatened Peter.

"Sorry if this looks gay to the viewers," Wade said then immediately shoved his big hard dick into Peter. After a minute of complete stillness Wade realized he should move it around a little bit.

"I'm gonna be real, this was a lot better when I was the one fucking you," Peter mentioned between thrusts.

"Well, not to brag, but I am known to be quite the power bottom."

"You got that right." Peter suddenly remembered what Wade had said before. "Cap sent you to kill me, huh? Was he jealous that I looked 100 times better with his dumb little shield that he did?"

"No, but now that you mention it, you definitely did. He does have a pretty tight ass, though."

"But that ass belongs to Bucky. This ass is yours."

That was all the motivation Wade needed before thrusting 400KM (he's Canadian) per second into Peter's delicate ass. The lack of lubricant was evident now, but his pain tolerance was incredibly high. He could only hope Peter's was the same. He didn't need blood left on the back alley to lead to some sort of investigation.

"Hhhhnnggggggguuuhhgghhhhhhh!" Wade and Peter screamed in unison. They came together. It was beautiful. Wade lay down on top of Peter before he heard a sick beat coming from... the sky? What the fuck? Wade thought, beyond confusion.

Wade looked up only to see the faded image of Thor giving him a thumbs up and winking while How to Save a Life by The Fray bombed through the heavens.

Wade gave a double thumbs up back.

"Thanks man!" he shouted to the apparition.

Below him, he brought his attention back to the sweaty, out of breath Peter.

"That's was wild," Peter told him, breathing out a laugh.

"Way better than when your wife walked in on us last time." Wade confirmed. "Well, ex-wife. Fuck Mary Jane."

Peter let out a short giggle at the remark.

"Now, prepare to die, Spider boy." Wade got off of Spidey, and collected his discarded blades. "I only have one end goal, the mediocre sex was a bonus." Once again the shard objects were pointed at Peter.

Peter was too shocked to do anything so he just stayed on the ground when Wade put both his steel sticks through his heart.

"Any last words?" asked Wade sharply.

"Mediocre? Pfft, if that," Peter said incredulously. In a spur of anger and sadness, he sliced one blade clear across Peter's neck. His head came clean off.

"Rest in pieces my dear spider." A single tear dripped from Wade's eye. He would have killed himself if it weren't for his super cool healing abilities or that sweet cash prize Cap promised. He'd miss the little guy, but his greed would've missed that cold hard cash even more.

There has never been a story of more woe, than Wadey and his Spideyo.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr @ chunkbueller.tumblr.com


End file.
